(to start out with, I already elaborated the action stuff in my original blog #9)This scene takes place in the training base, where they sleep in cabins, and get used to being around eachother. This also takes place at night. The characters are going to go interact with the other characters, all they need to know is that there is action in this scene, and that they have cabins.
(The scene goes over to Erik's face at night time after a long day of training, its dark with little lighting)
ERIK: This kid has just been admitted to the military, and he has a higher rank than I do?! I'm gonna give this punk a good talkin to.
(Erik storms over with Frank to Malik and Demetri's cabin)
(Erik pushes the door open)
ERIK:(talking to Malik) Who do you think you are?! Recently admitted to the military, and already having a higher rank than I do? What makes you so great?! Huh?!
(Erik grabs Malik by the shirt and puts him against the wall)
ERIK: I'm gonna teach you a lesson you'll never forget. (Erik has a big smirk on his face)
(He then starts to repeataly punch him across the face)
(Malik keeps letting himself get hit, not defending, not moving a muscle, and staying completely quiet the whole time)
(In fear, Demetri slowly backs up to the wall with his eyes wide open)
(Malik falls to the ground all bruised up and bleeding)
MALIK: Is that all you've got?...(Malik says this with a very quiet voice, and a smirk on his face)
ERIK: You little punk!
(Erik raises his fist again, but this time Frank grabs his arm.)
FRANK: Thats enough Erik, I think he gets the point.
(Erik and Frank leave the cabin, with Erik slamming the door behind him.)
(Demetri comes over to Malik)
DEMETRI: Are you alright comrad?!
MALIK: Yeah, I'll be fine, but could you get me some water?..(Malik says this in a very faint voice)
(Demetri brings the water over to Malik)
DEMETRI: What did you ever do to him?
MALIK: I really have no idea...
(The screen fades out.)
Friday, April 27, 2012
Blog #10
(Scene moves to Franz on a metal balcony looking down at Malik)
FRANZ: So Malik, It seems that you were able to get pretty far within this little trap that I made for you. However, You should still take my offer and join me.
MALIK: I told you already my loyalty is to my state not the sick organization that you are trying to create here.
FRANZ: Dont forget Malik I know your secret.... I know about the problems you were having during training and even now.
(Malik looks down at the floor)
FRANZ: I may not know everything about your country, but I'm pretty sure hiding...
MALIK: Shut your mouth!
(Franz looks at Malik surprised by his response)
MALIK: You cant threaten me with something that my team is already aware of and no matter what problems I have it does not cloud my judgement.
FRANZ: You are so Naive even to the very end it kinda sad that you wont even consider joining your people.
MALIK: My people? You betrayed your country Franz and you betrayed your team we were all like brother.
FRANZ: Foolish solider it is impossible to betray those who you were not with to begin with.
(A shot flies by Franz face and Frank is now standing behind Malik)
FRANZ: So Malik, It seems that you were able to get pretty far within this little trap that I made for you. However, You should still take my offer and join me.
MALIK: I told you already my loyalty is to my state not the sick organization that you are trying to create here.
FRANZ: Dont forget Malik I know your secret.... I know about the problems you were having during training and even now.
(Malik looks down at the floor)
FRANZ: I may not know everything about your country, but I'm pretty sure hiding...
MALIK: Shut your mouth!
(Franz looks at Malik surprised by his response)
MALIK: You cant threaten me with something that my team is already aware of and no matter what problems I have it does not cloud my judgement.
FRANZ: You are so Naive even to the very end it kinda sad that you wont even consider joining your people.
MALIK: My people? You betrayed your country Franz and you betrayed your team we were all like brother.
FRANZ: Foolish solider it is impossible to betray those who you were not with to begin with.
(A shot flies by Franz face and Frank is now standing behind Malik)
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Blog #9 Internal diologue
(The scene goes over to Erik's face)
ERIK: This kid has just been admitted to the military, and he has a higher rank than I do?! I'm gonna give this punk a good talkin to.
(Erik storms over with Frank to Malik and Demetri's cabin)
(Erik pushes the door open)
ERIK:(talking to Malik) Who do you think you are?! Recently admitted to the military, and already having a higher rank than I do? What makes you so great?! Huh?!
(Erik grabs Malik by the shirt and puts him against the wall)
ERIK: I'm gonna teach you a lesson you'll never forget. (Erik has a big smirk on his face)
(He then starts to repeataly punch him across the face)
(Malik keeps letting himself get hit, not defending, not moving a muscle, and staying completely quiet the whole time)
(In fear, Demetri slowly backs up to the wall with his eyes wide open)
(Malik falls to the ground all bruised up and bleeding)
MALIK: Is that all you've got?...(Malik says this with a very quiet voice, and a smirk on his face)
ERIK: You little punk!
(Erik raises his fist again, but this time Frank grabs his arm.)
FRANK: Thats enough Erik, I think he gets the point.
(Erik and Frank leave the cabin, with Erik slamming the door behind him.)
(Demetri comes over to Malik)
DEMETRI: Are you alright comrad?!
MALIK: Yeah, I'll be fine, but could you get me some water?..(Malik says this in a very faint voice)
(Demetri brings the water over to Malik)
DEMETRI: What did you ever do to him?
MALIK: I really have no idea...
(The screen fades out.)
Friday, April 20, 2012
Blog #8: Important points for dialogue
1.)More dramatic than real life, but still realistic. (sharp and witty)
2.)Read the words out loud, and see how it would sound, make it realistic.
3.)Make almost every statement with deep meaning
4.)Getting to know the character is SERIOUSLY important.
5.)Dialogue may even allow you to really understand your characters
6.)Always check back over your original dialogue, but not until the end.
2.)Read the words out loud, and see how it would sound, make it realistic.
3.)Make almost every statement with deep meaning
4.)Getting to know the character is SERIOUSLY important.
5.)Dialogue may even allow you to really understand your characters
6.)Always check back over your original dialogue, but not until the end.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Blog #7 Jascha and Tim's utilization of the "Hollywood Formula"
The story starts with a 14 year old boy who struggles with drug problems, named Malik Maddison. He has a small house and lives alone with his mother. His father is in the military, and is the person that Malik looks up to the most. He receives a letter saying that his father had died serving our country. After he reads the letter, Malik falls to his knees and begins to cry. After the first scene, The story continues at his father's funeral. Malik sees several men in his father's platoon.
In the set up of the story, he meets several characters. After he goes to train in the military. The first character he meets a foreigner from Russia named Demetri. Demetri is very ignorant, and doesn't know much of his surroundings. Malik also meets a man named Erik. Eric is a pompous ass who doesn't give his respect to just anyone. He also meets Frank, who Is the silent type, however his eyes contain a murderous intent. despite the look in Frank's eyes, he cares a lot for those who he deem his friends. He also meets a crude, buff, Fun-loving Irishman who loves to drink (and smoke cigars). Carter is the leader of his platoon, he believes that everyone has the potential to do great things, however he is a very strict commanding officer.
The Inciting Incident is when his platoon is deployed on a secret mission to Germany, without much information. He has to get along with all of his mates, as well as respect his commanding officer. The platoon sets up their quarters. and begin to talk about themselves a tiny bit. Malik is also very protective over his father, if anyone brings him up, then he WILL get angry. Erik gets extremely angry when he finds that Malik has a higher rank than he does, even though Erik was in the army for a longer time than Malik. So Erik gives him a little "talking to" Malik struggles with his drug problems, and is often pill popping when no one is around. Malik thinks that he has been caught, but Demetri said that he would keep it a secret.
The main character already decided on his journey, to be part of the military. But Malik hadn't anticipated what he would end up figuring out... He has to decide on serving his country over all else, And to put his fathers greatness beyond him, In order to surpass him. Malik also wants to find the strength get over his drug addiction, but that isn't so easy for him.
When their jeep gets deployed by the navy, they drive in to Germany to start the big journey. Something suspicious is going on here, Its very dangerous, but his platoon is going to have to figure this out. They decide to set up camp.
The sub-plot is most definitely the interactions between the soldiers in the platoon. Doing various group exercises to get to know each other. There is a lot of drama between Malik and the rest of them, which does for some great dialogue. There is lots of fighting and bickering going on.
In this part of the story, the character's backgrounds get revealed. The characters truly get to know each other, and understand each others pasts. making the bonds between soldiers stronger and stronger. Malik and Erik start to bond, and the brotherhood between soldiers is fully established. Malik would die for any one of his comrades, as would any of them.
The group finds a laboratory in Germany, they thought this may be the end. but in fact its only the beginning. All the drama and action starts now. Something far worse then they ever imagined is going on here, and they'll find out what it is, whether they want to or not. They find a paper that says "Die Wiedergeburt" on it. Demetri translates the words, and says that it means "The Rebirth" in English. Suddenly all of the doors go on lock-down. The Platoon hears a gunshot, Only the start of the big action scene.
The protagonist thinks he knows who the bad guys are. However he was wrong. The real antagonist was none other than the man who he thought he could trust the most. But he doesn't quite know this yet. When no one can see Demetri (or so he thinks) he shows off his real stuff. In reality the peace loving pacifist Demetri Is the most skilled soldier of them all. After this Carter and Thomas' deaths catch Malik by surprise.
His all is lost moment is when Carter and Thomas are both dead, and the one in charge has to be him. He has trouble accepting the responsibility, and even starts to doubt himself. Erik gets mad and asks him if he wont handle the situation then who will. as Erik beats Malik around a little. The antagonists also take Erik away a little bit after this, which only makes Malik doubt himself more.
After this incedent Malik tries to numb up his mind with drugs, and blacks out. Frank finds Malik with a pill bottle in his hand, and slaps him across the face to wake him up. Malik wakes up, and throws away the bottle. and starts walking with a serious look on his face.
Malik knows who the true bad guy is. He also knows what he is going to do about it. No more self doubt. its time to take the role of a leader. He picks himself up and is ready to go. He tells Frank his plan and tells him that success is the only option. Off they go to the main base of the bad guys, to save his friend, and to finish things off.
In the set up of the story, he meets several characters. After he goes to train in the military. The first character he meets a foreigner from Russia named Demetri. Demetri is very ignorant, and doesn't know much of his surroundings. Malik also meets a man named Erik. Eric is a pompous ass who doesn't give his respect to just anyone. He also meets Frank, who Is the silent type, however his eyes contain a murderous intent. despite the look in Frank's eyes, he cares a lot for those who he deem his friends. He also meets a crude, buff, Fun-loving Irishman who loves to drink (and smoke cigars). Carter is the leader of his platoon, he believes that everyone has the potential to do great things, however he is a very strict commanding officer.
The Inciting Incident is when his platoon is deployed on a secret mission to Germany, without much information. He has to get along with all of his mates, as well as respect his commanding officer. The platoon sets up their quarters. and begin to talk about themselves a tiny bit. Malik is also very protective over his father, if anyone brings him up, then he WILL get angry. Erik gets extremely angry when he finds that Malik has a higher rank than he does, even though Erik was in the army for a longer time than Malik. So Erik gives him a little "talking to" Malik struggles with his drug problems, and is often pill popping when no one is around. Malik thinks that he has been caught, but Demetri said that he would keep it a secret.
The main character already decided on his journey, to be part of the military. But Malik hadn't anticipated what he would end up figuring out... He has to decide on serving his country over all else, And to put his fathers greatness beyond him, In order to surpass him. Malik also wants to find the strength get over his drug addiction, but that isn't so easy for him.
When their jeep gets deployed by the navy, they drive in to Germany to start the big journey. Something suspicious is going on here, Its very dangerous, but his platoon is going to have to figure this out. They decide to set up camp.
The sub-plot is most definitely the interactions between the soldiers in the platoon. Doing various group exercises to get to know each other. There is a lot of drama between Malik and the rest of them, which does for some great dialogue. There is lots of fighting and bickering going on.
In this part of the story, the character's backgrounds get revealed. The characters truly get to know each other, and understand each others pasts. making the bonds between soldiers stronger and stronger. Malik and Erik start to bond, and the brotherhood between soldiers is fully established. Malik would die for any one of his comrades, as would any of them.
The group finds a laboratory in Germany, they thought this may be the end. but in fact its only the beginning. All the drama and action starts now. Something far worse then they ever imagined is going on here, and they'll find out what it is, whether they want to or not. They find a paper that says "Die Wiedergeburt" on it. Demetri translates the words, and says that it means "The Rebirth" in English. Suddenly all of the doors go on lock-down. The Platoon hears a gunshot, Only the start of the big action scene.
The protagonist thinks he knows who the bad guys are. However he was wrong. The real antagonist was none other than the man who he thought he could trust the most. But he doesn't quite know this yet. When no one can see Demetri (or so he thinks) he shows off his real stuff. In reality the peace loving pacifist Demetri Is the most skilled soldier of them all. After this Carter and Thomas' deaths catch Malik by surprise.
His all is lost moment is when Carter and Thomas are both dead, and the one in charge has to be him. He has trouble accepting the responsibility, and even starts to doubt himself. Erik gets mad and asks him if he wont handle the situation then who will. as Erik beats Malik around a little. The antagonists also take Erik away a little bit after this, which only makes Malik doubt himself more.
After this incedent Malik tries to numb up his mind with drugs, and blacks out. Frank finds Malik with a pill bottle in his hand, and slaps him across the face to wake him up. Malik wakes up, and throws away the bottle. and starts walking with a serious look on his face.
Malik knows who the true bad guy is. He also knows what he is going to do about it. No more self doubt. its time to take the role of a leader. He picks himself up and is ready to go. He tells Frank his plan and tells him that success is the only option. Off they go to the main base of the bad guys, to save his friend, and to finish things off.
Blog #6 Jascha and Tim's Script Outline
1.) Malik Madison stepped into a Marine corp training camp with the thought of walking in his fathers footsteps and turning his life around. The story begins with Malik at his fathers funeral at the age of 14 years old where he sees other members of the Marine corp carry his fathers dead body. Maliks father named Duke died on duty well in Iraq with his team only two marines survived the mission to Iraq. Malik's eyes were locked onto the two marines as he saw them bury his father. At this point in his life Malik decided it was time to turn his life around and live a life that would make his father proud. Even with Maliks new life style choices he was already in way to deep to escape his drug addiction. Malik had a long time girlfriend named Eliza that he told about what he was planning on doing once he became of age. Eliza cried and did not want him to leave her but at the same time she knew she had no other choice than to respect his decision. After this the story will head to Malik's 18th birthday party where he will tell his mother that he wants to join the Marines and pick up where his father left off. Maliks mother was scared about losing another member to the war but she told him " You can do whatever you want and you know I will always be here supporting you". With these words Malik would go through the recruiting stages of joining the USMC including meeting with a recruiter and many physical and citizen background tests. The scene will than go to Malik's first day in the USMC training base where he will meet a Russian boy named Demetri.
2.) Malik is found on a list of wanted officers by a man named Carter who was a member of Duke's old team that went to Iraq. Carter was given a recon mission in Germany to investigate an old Nazi lab that was abandoned years ago. The USA has its suspicions that the lab is being used in order to resurrect the old Nazi regime into the new world. Carter chose the people that he believed to the experts of their field and Malik was chose to be his Sniper/Scout. Its true that Malik was technically new to the military but he knew his father well and saw training exercises that Malik took part in during training. The team that was selected by Carter went to a deployment base in New york where they would get to know each other better and prepare for their mission. This is Malik's first mission in the USMC and it will be one that he will never forget. The lab isn't what the USA thought it to be there is so much more growing in Germany than what was originally believe to be.
3.) 1. Conflict between Erik the Electronics expert of the team and Malik. Erik has no respect for Malik and does not think he should be a higher rank than him when he just joined the Military.
2. Disappearance of the Platoon Leader Carter and Heavy weapons expert Thomas.
3. Radio to base being cut off with no way to contact the Marine head quarters or Navy ships.
4. Locked down inside of the lab.
5. Death of Carter and Thomas.
4.) Demetri turns out to be a Nazi spy named Franz who was only with the team in order to pick them all off one by one and take Malik back to his father. Franz kidnaps Erik and orders the capture of Malik and to kill Frank but he needs Malik alive. Franz tells Malik that the group known as Die wiedergeburt is a reborn version of the old Nazi regime and they need him to help bring it to victory. Franz has no plans to kill Erik all that he desires is to use him as a threat to get Malik to follow his wishes. Malik is than backed into a corner with only Frank to assist him , Erik being kidnapped and his leader and new friend dead somewhere in the lab.
5.) The climax is followed up with Erik finding his own way to breaking out of the hostage situation that was created by Franz. With Erik out of harms way Malik no longer has to be sneaky or watch his actions that he takes against Franz. The fight between these two old friends turns into a match to the death with Franz comes to terms with the fact that Malik will never join him. In the end Malik ends up out sniping Franz the one thing that Malik could do better than Franz can. Franz is than defeated and the communication block is than destroyed and the USA government is able to be contacted by team Alpha.
6.) The team is rescued by the USA Navy which than transport them back to an army base to report exactly what happened at Germany. Malik explains how Demetri was really a Nazi traitor and eventually leaded up into the story about the death of Thomas and Carter. While explaining the story the members of team Alpha decided that they want to take the responsibility of telling the family's what happened to there family members. Frank and Erik go to tell Thomas's family what happened and Malik takes the duty of telling Carter's parents. Malik is ashamed of Carters parents for only to pretend to care about their son and his life after his life is already lost and it is already to late. The group meets up at the very end of the story again at the same military base where they all met Malik is put in permanent charge of team Alpha. The team has been given the mission to putting an end to the rise of the new Nazi regime and Malik must choose three new soldiers to replace the spots of his old friends.
2.) Malik is found on a list of wanted officers by a man named Carter who was a member of Duke's old team that went to Iraq. Carter was given a recon mission in Germany to investigate an old Nazi lab that was abandoned years ago. The USA has its suspicions that the lab is being used in order to resurrect the old Nazi regime into the new world. Carter chose the people that he believed to the experts of their field and Malik was chose to be his Sniper/Scout. Its true that Malik was technically new to the military but he knew his father well and saw training exercises that Malik took part in during training. The team that was selected by Carter went to a deployment base in New york where they would get to know each other better and prepare for their mission. This is Malik's first mission in the USMC and it will be one that he will never forget. The lab isn't what the USA thought it to be there is so much more growing in Germany than what was originally believe to be.
3.) 1. Conflict between Erik the Electronics expert of the team and Malik. Erik has no respect for Malik and does not think he should be a higher rank than him when he just joined the Military.
2. Disappearance of the Platoon Leader Carter and Heavy weapons expert Thomas.
3. Radio to base being cut off with no way to contact the Marine head quarters or Navy ships.
4. Locked down inside of the lab.
5. Death of Carter and Thomas.
4.) Demetri turns out to be a Nazi spy named Franz who was only with the team in order to pick them all off one by one and take Malik back to his father. Franz kidnaps Erik and orders the capture of Malik and to kill Frank but he needs Malik alive. Franz tells Malik that the group known as Die wiedergeburt is a reborn version of the old Nazi regime and they need him to help bring it to victory. Franz has no plans to kill Erik all that he desires is to use him as a threat to get Malik to follow his wishes. Malik is than backed into a corner with only Frank to assist him , Erik being kidnapped and his leader and new friend dead somewhere in the lab.
5.) The climax is followed up with Erik finding his own way to breaking out of the hostage situation that was created by Franz. With Erik out of harms way Malik no longer has to be sneaky or watch his actions that he takes against Franz. The fight between these two old friends turns into a match to the death with Franz comes to terms with the fact that Malik will never join him. In the end Malik ends up out sniping Franz the one thing that Malik could do better than Franz can. Franz is than defeated and the communication block is than destroyed and the USA government is able to be contacted by team Alpha.
6.) The team is rescued by the USA Navy which than transport them back to an army base to report exactly what happened at Germany. Malik explains how Demetri was really a Nazi traitor and eventually leaded up into the story about the death of Thomas and Carter. While explaining the story the members of team Alpha decided that they want to take the responsibility of telling the family's what happened to there family members. Frank and Erik go to tell Thomas's family what happened and Malik takes the duty of telling Carter's parents. Malik is ashamed of Carters parents for only to pretend to care about their son and his life after his life is already lost and it is already to late. The group meets up at the very end of the story again at the same military base where they all met Malik is put in permanent charge of team Alpha. The team has been given the mission to putting an end to the rise of the new Nazi regime and Malik must choose three new soldiers to replace the spots of his old friends.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Blog #5 Revised Logline
A mild mannored 18 year old pill popping teenager, joins the army. His goal? To follow in his deceased father’s footsteps, and to turn his life around.
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